


A Rare Medium Well Done

by MizushimaHikari



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Adorkable, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Crushes, Dinner, Food, Friendship, Gen, Slice of Life, Unrequited Crush, alex fucks up the steak, sassy lafayette, steak, tyson chicken, vegetarian who takes cheat days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 13:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7533961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizushimaHikari/pseuds/MizushimaHikari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After finding out Eliza has a crush on her neighbor Alex, Peggy arranges for Eliza and herself to have a steak dinner with Alex at his apartment. Chaos ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rare Medium Well Done

Ever since Eliza told her best friend Peggy about her infatuation with her next-door neighbor, Peggy hadn’t shut up about it. Whenever they went out to have brunch or go shopping, Peggy said something along the lines of, “Why do you like Alex? He’s literally a vegetable. He’s not even low-key cute.” 

Eliza didn’t mind these comments. Hell, she agreed with her friend on all of these charges. But no matter what, Eliza couldn’t help it – there was just something about the rich, chocolaty timbre of his voice and the way Alex smiled at her that made her feel as if the sky was the limit. 

So naturally, one Saturday afternoon, when Peggy was at Eliza’s apartment, and they were watching chick flicks, Eliza didn’t even blink when Peggy started throwing shade at Alex. She laughed whenever Peggy spouted anything particularly savage and tuned out the rest. 

All of the sudden, Peggy grinned and announced, “We’re befriending Alex today!”

Distracted by the movie, Eliza said, “Huh?”

Peggy grinned even wider and repeated herself.

This time, Eliza paused the movie and turned towards Peggy. “What?!” 

Peggy blathered, “So when I was coming here, I bumped into Alex and started talking to him! He mentioned he and his roommates were making chicken tonight, so I told him I’m a vegetarian, but I love steak, and that he’d be making us steak tonight!” 

Eliza was speechless. Finally, she exploded. “What the fuck?!” You can’t just invite yourself everywhere! We barely know him!” 

Unfazed, Peggy said, “He seems like a decent guy, and we’ll get to know him today!” She leaned in and teased, “Honey, I’m only doing this so you can get to know him.” She winked as obviously as she could and nudged Eliza with her elbow. 

Eliza mumbled, “I’ve never had steak before.” 

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” beckoned Peggy.

“Fine, we’ll go,” Eliza relented. A moment later, she added, “I can’t believe you tell people you’re a vegetarian who takes cheat days.” 

“Neither did Alex,” Peggy responded in a singsong voice. 

At 6:00 pm, they went next door. Peggy raised her first to knock, but before she could, the door opened, revealing a surprised Alex. “Hi,” he said, “I was just about to come over and get you.” 

Peggy immediately chanted, “Steak!” while bouncing up and down. 

Alex let them into an apartment that looked like a hurricane had demolished its insides. Everywhere, there was a half-empty container of water, a plastic bag full of trash, or the occasional pair of boxers. A man sat on the couch, and another lay on the coffee table, flat on his back. 

“Oh yeah, it’s a mess here,” Alex commented. “These are my roommates, Lafayette” (he pointed at the couch) “and John” (he pointed at the coffee table). “I’m about to start. Do either of you know how to cook steak?” 

“Nope!” Peggy piped up. “I’m a vegetarian!”

Eliza cringed at her friend’s hypocrisy and then said, “I’ve never made steak before.” 

“I’ve never made steak either,” Alex confessed, “but it’ll probably be fine.” 

Eliza felt dread trickle down her spine. 

“Can you melt some butter in the pan?” Alex asked, gesturing towards a stick of butter on the counter. 

“Sure!” Peggy said, reaching for a butter knife. Alex grabbed another knife to cut the New York strip steak out of its plastic wrapping. Eliza, unsure of what to do, watched as Peggy placed half a stick of butter in the pan. 

“I think that’s too much butter,” mumbled Eliza. 

“It’ll be fine!” Peggy insisted as she coated the bottom of the pan with a thick layer of butter. 

Alex came over, holding a raw steak in each hand. He waved a steak at the pan in exasperation. “Why did you put in so much butter? This is strictly negative!” 

“It’ll be fine! Butter is good!” said Peggy. She grabbed the steaks from Alex with her bare hands, sanitation be damned, and plopped them both in the pan. The steaks began to sizzle. 

Eliza said, “Perhaps we should add salt?” 

Immediately, Alex retorted, “No! Salt is strictly negative! We’re adding this spice that John got for the chicken. It’s…” He paused to squint at the spice label, which Eliza found simply adorable. “John, what is this?”

John rolled over on the coffee table, and yelled back, “It’s roasted garlic and herb! It will go well with the Tyson!”

“Tyson?” asked Eliza. 

“We eat a lot of chicken,” explained Alex, “and John is very particular about the brand. Oh yeah, we have this other spice.”

He picked up the half-empty package of ancho powder and stared at it while making that cute, confused look and muttering what sounded like “Welp.” Alex proceeded to pour all of the powder onto the steak, followed by the garlic and herb mixture.

Peggy grabbed a spatula and flipped the steak. 

“Don’t flip it yet!” yelled Alex. 

Peggy waved her hand in his face. “Don’t worry! It’ll be fine!”

Nonetheless, Alex snatched the pan and spatula away from Peggy. He moved the steak around the pan for a few minutes until he abruptly asked, “Is it done? There’s too much ancho for me to tell.”

John called out, “It’s easy! Cut it open and look!” 

“Thanks,” Alex replied. 

Peggy ineffectively stabbed the steak with a dull meat knife until Alex took the knife away from her and hacked it into two. The outside looked done, but the inside was still very bloody and raw. 

Peggy pouted. “Why isn’t it done?”

Alex threw his hands up. “You added too much butter! We’ll just have to keep cooking it.” He rotated the steak so the raw side was touching the pan. 

A few minutes into this fruitless endeavor, he exclaimed, “I’m just going to cut it into smaller pieces.” He butchered the steaks until he had seven chunks of sketchy-looking steak of various sizes in the pan, each still quite red in the middle. 

Once the steak no longer looked raw, Alex transferred all of it to a beat-up baking pan and placed it on the table, which had partially finished green tea lattes and what appeared to be the remnants of an epic Monopoly fight. 

Peggy picked up the largest piece of steak and greedily stuffed it in her face. She initially looked really happy, but as she chewed, she began to look more and more distraught. 

Alex, meanwhile, had procured a plate and utensils, and was just now sitting down to eat. He picked a medium-sized steak, cut off a small piece, and ate it. As he chewed, he wore an inscrutable expression. Finally, he swallowed it and rushed back to the stove, plate in hand, saying, “I need to cook this more.”

Bemused, Eliza moved a small, triangular steak to her plate. She attempted to cut it with just a fork, but it wasn’t working. She speared it with the fork and tore off a corner with her teeth. 

Was this steak? Why was it tough on the outside and all rubbery and gooey inside? Why did it taste like nothing except for a hint of garlic and herb? Eliza felt like she was chewing meat-flavored gum. Oh god, it was awful. 

“Are you okay? Do you want your steak cooked more?” asked Alex. 

“No, no, it’s fine,” said Eliza. Despite herself, she couldn’t even bear to keep chewing on this slimy, mucous-like nightmare, so she delicately spit it into a paper napkin. “I don’t think I like steak…” she whispered. 

“Amazing!” said a voice with a French accent. Eliza turned around to see Lafayette, still calmly lounging on the sofa and staring at his laptop screen. 

“Lafayette is a vegetarian,” Alex explained, while gnawing away at his chunk of obviously burnt meat. 

Peggy suddenly exclaimed, “John, your hair’s standing up!”

“Amazing!” said Lafayette, again in his perfectly sarcastic, benevolently condescending way. 

Alex rushed over to John’s side, holding his hand and smoothing down the stray strands of hair. “Why is your hair like this, honey?”

John rolled over on the coffee table. “Because I took the bus.” 

“What?” said Eliza. 

John rolled off the table, got up, dusted himself off, and clarified himself. “I took a nap on the bus while lying down.”

In loving exasperation, Alex placed his hands on John’s shoulders. “Your problem is that you always give either too much detail or not enough detail,” Alex gently scolded. “‘Why is your hair like that?’ ‘Because I took the bus.’ ‘What do you like to eat?’ ‘Tyson.’” 

“Why do you like Tyson specifically?” interrupted Peggy. 

“It’s easy,” said John. “One time I saw this documentary that was trashing Tyson, and the documentary was trash, so I thought maybe Tyson was good. Anyway, I am going to take a nap.” He extricated himself from Alex’s hands and went into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. 

Alex’s shoulders slumped just as the door closed. He immediately lay down on the coffee table, face-down, grumbling what sounded like, “Welp.” 

At this point, Peggy just HAD to say, “This steak is really bad.” 

Alex whimpered into the table, “I’m literally a vegetable.”

A few awkward moments of silence passed. Lafayette got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen. Alex finally looked up at his guests. “It’s good that I got the steak on sale.” 

From the kitchen, Lafayette called, “It wasn’t on sale! You paid thirty-three dollars for it!”

Horrified, Alex exclaimed, “It wasn’t?!” He curled up, fetal position, on the coffee table, and started whining, “Why is thirty-three such a big number?” 

Eliza and Peggy simultaneously burst out laughing. It wasn’t out of malice, just due to the absurdity of everything. Gosh, this was fun. 

When hurt their sides and stomachs too much to laugh anymore, Eliza suggested, “Peggy and I can cover part of the cost.” 

“Yeah!” Peggy seconded the offer. 

After they each gave Alex a ten-dollar bill, Peggy implied that she and Eliza had to leave. Alex said, “I know the steak this time wasn’t very good –”

“It was a disaster,” Peggy bluntly said.

“ – but we can try to make steak again.” Alex finished. 

“I’d like that,” answered Eliza, much to her own surprise. 

The girls exited the filthy apartment and strolled back to Eliza’s. “You’ve got no chance with him, Eliza,” Peggy said, “He’s clearly in love with John.” 

“I know, I know,” Eliza admitted. 

“Honey, you’re too good for him anyway. It’s so not cute watching him whine,” Peggy chattered. 

“I had fun today! Alex, John, and Lafayette have a really great dynamic.” Eliza pointed out. 

“They do! I love them!” agreed Peggy. 

“We definitely need to make steak with them again,” declared Eliza.

**Author's Note:**

> This slice-of-life story was super fun to write! 
> 
> Yes, the characters are rather OOC, but it’s not a huge stretch imagining them living together and just being weird and adorkable. 
> 
> I went through way too much trouble figuring out whether the word was “lay” or “lie”. 
> 
> Okay so when I was writing the part where they pay Alex back, I made them each pay about a third of the cost, which is like 10, and then I realized the ten-dollar bill has Hamilton on it, and that just blew my mind. That was totally not intentional!


End file.
